Green Card for Michael, should be in the mail.
Michael, very excited about baby and prospect of green card.
Family, as crazy as ever.
Me, very pregnant and crazy.

Baby Birthing Mix CDs

They say early labor songs should be calming, soothing and relaxing so you can try to get as much rest as possible before the really hard part starts. I've also read to not put songs that would normally make you cry. I think this is a good idea.

Early Labor

What A Wonderful Thing Love Is - Al Green
A Change Is Gonna Come - Aretha Franklin
You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman - Aretha Franklin
When You Dream - Barenaked Ladies
Stand By Me - Ben E. King
Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel) - Billy Joel
The Mountains Win Again - Blues Traveler
Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers
Don't Panic - Coldplay
Baby Song - Colin Meloy
Remember to Breathe - Dashboard Confessional
Satellite - Dave Matthews Band
Island In The Sun - Weezer
Exhale (Shoop Shoop) - Whitney Houston
Little Ray of Sunshine - Axiom
Cowboy Take Me Away - Dixie Chicks
So Close - Hall and Oates
Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What A Wonderful World - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

They say for the pushing stage you should have songs that will keep you awake and alert and focused and such.
"They" say many things.

Pushing Stage

Love and Happiness - Al Green
Let's Stay Together - Al Green
All or Nothing - Athena Cage
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk (maybe)
Gotta Get Thru This - Daniel Bedingfield
Don't Wait - Dashboard Confessional
We Danced Anyway - Deana Carter
Learning How To Smile - Everclear
Breathe In - Frou Frou
Only Wanna Be With You - Hootie and the Blowfish
Sleep All Day - Jason Mraz
I'll Do Anything - Jason Mraz
You Found Me - Kelly Clarkson
The Way You Make Me Feel - Michael Jackson
The Impression That I Get - Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Try A Little Tenderness - Otis Redding
You Can Call Me Al - Paul Simon
Trashin' The Camp - Phil Collins
Move Along - The All American Rejects
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - The Police
I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers
The Way You Do The Things You Do - The Temptations
Every Breath You Take - UB40
The Promise - When In Rome


Yeah, I'm gonna try to do this without drugs. I can do it. I'm tough. Bring it on.

I never know what to write in livejournal. I always have this urge to write in here but I never know what to write. I want to write something profound or thought provoking, but when I try I usually just end up sounding whiny. When I write about my day or what I've been up to I think I sound like an immature giggling high school girl. I do giggle, sure, and I once was in high school but I try reeeeally hard to not be that annoying sort of immature that makes you just want to smack that person who is that particular form of annoying immature up across the head and tell them to grow up. So I just never know what to say. I find myself clicking the update journal button and just leaving it open for hours and I write one or two sentences that will most likely get erased. Why do I bother? The world may never know.

I've always had that urge to write and to write well. Since I was little I've loved books and music. I sometimes find a new song that has lyrics and music that just speak to me. It might not even have anything to do with my life. I just hear this song, this emotion and feeling put into music and I can't stop listening. I try to drink it in and let it fill me up completely. It feels like I am the only person in the world hearing this song and realizing just how important this song is. I feel like I have to make someone, anyone feel this too and understand what it means. How life changing it could be. There are many songs that have good lyrics and many songs that have a good musical sound and I love those songs too but it's when I find that song that has that has both that I really get chills. The music IS the lyrics the lyrics ARE the music. They were meant to be together. They just needed someone to find them and bring them back to life.

I used to have this thing where whenever I'd find one of these songs I'd press the headphones against my ears and shut my eyes tight. I try to not do this around people now because I look like a freak but I still do it sometimes. It's like I'm trying to shut the world out so it's only me and the song.

I've always been jealous of the people who write these songs. I want to find that perfect song in myself. I want something that people will hear and listen and just feel it and want to shut the world out and hear nothing but my song that I found to share with the world. It doesn't even have to be a song, it could be a book or a quote. A limerick or haiku even.

I start my job today. I work 7:50 pm until close. Not entirely sure when it closes. I'm slightly nervous. I think I'll get over it quickly though, I'm very resilient when I choose to be. I'm so strange sometimes. I was fighting with Michael today because I couldn't figure out how to find the flight we are going to book for me on the United Airlines website. I do pick the weirdest times to be competetive. I feel very much like I have to prove my worth to people lately. I've always had a want to prove myself in the past, but I've never been so fierce about it before. I feel like I need people to know I can do things, that I'm capable and I'm not a child. The fact that I try so hard and how I sometimes react when I'm wrong about things makes me all the more a child though. I guess I should just chill out.

I went to a gown shop yesterday. I wasn't really expecting to find anything; I just wanted to go have a look around. I had a weird sales lady who kind of freaked me out at first, but she turned out to be really nice and really a good sales lady for me. She kept bringing me dresses to try on after I tried on all of the ones I had picked out and eventually she got me to go out to the big mirror to look at them. I was afraid to go out at first. I didn't like the first couple she brought very much. The second one was awful. Then she brought out a final one for me to try on and it fit almost perfectly. I went out to the big mirror and it looked so good! It had spaghetti straps as well which I wasn't expecting to get. I didn't think I'd be brave enough for that much skin on a day when everyone will be looking at me, but I am okay with it. It's sooo gorgeous. It fits so well. The straps are just a little too long and they'd have to take in the top a bit. The whole time I had been there I kept telling the lady "I'm just looking around to see my options." As soon as I saw this one though I actually said "This is the one, this is perfect." Such a cliche thing to say about finding a wedding dress, but it just popped out because it was pretty great. Amanda and Kishona pretty much said "Get it, put it in layaway now. It's perfect." Then, some nice other getting married lady told me she really liked and it was the best of the ones she had seen me try on. It is $599 which is much better than the other dress, it's on sale from $799 so that's really good. So, my friends put a deposit of $30 on it so I could put it in layaway. Now I just need to keep making payments on it and it will be mine. Yay!! I'm so happy I have a dress. It's really exciting!

Dunno why this conversation between me and Michael amused me so much, but it did.

startlingstargazer: grr one of these days I'm going to find what that noise is that happens every morning at 7 am
startlingstargazer: it sounds like someone is out there doing karate
startlingstargazer: it echoes around and comes in through the window
startlingstargazer: I wish I knew what it was
Michael: a bird
startlingstargazer: noo
startlingstargazer: it's not a bird
startlingstargazer: it sounds like some guy
startlingstargazer: going uh! uh! hah! ah!
startlingstargazer: uh!
startlingstargazer: every morning at the same time
startlingstargazer: I'm telling you
startlingstargazer: always at 7
startlingstargazer: and now it's over
startlingstargazer: it only lasts a minute or two
Michael: a bird
startlingstargazer: nooooo
startlingstargazer: it's not a bird
Michael: someone having sex?
startlingstargazer: no birds here make that noise
startlingstargazer: maybe
startlingstargazer: I don't know
Michael: lol
Michael: you should see your face ;P
startlingstargazer: they are very quick about it
Michael: the birds?
Michael: they have to be
startlingstargazer: no the sex people
startlingstargazer: whatever one day I will figure it out

Burger King hired me!! I went to the interview all prettied up and everything and sat down with the lady. She asked me some questions about when I'd be available to work, etc. Then I had to talk about myself "I'm great blah blah blah" Then she said if she was going to be hiring me she'd call me Tuesday and let me know when orientation would be. She said bring your ID and Social Security card. Then she asked if my married name was on them and I said no, but my passport has my married name. So, she said bring them all she supposed. I said I had them with me right then, so she paused a second and said "You know what? I'm going to give you a chance and hire you. We'll do the orientation now." Yay!!! So she made me sign a ton of crap and I had to talk to this person on the phone to tell them my social security number. So, sometime next week she should call me to schedule me. Yay!!! Money is grrreat. Also, since I'll be working closing shift I start at 5.50 an hour! I was expecting minimum wage! I'm so happeee!

Your Existing Situation
Working to improve her image in the eyes of others so as to obtain their compliance and agreement with her needs and wishes.

Your Stress Sources
Resists any form of pressure from others and insists on her independence as an individual. Wants to make up her own mind without interference, to draw her own conclusions and arrive at her own decisions. Detests uniformity and mediocrity. As she wants to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions, she find it difficult to admit to being wrong, while at times she is reluctant to accept or understand another's point of view.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Demanding and particular in her relations with her partner or those close to her. but careful to avoid open conflict since this might reduce her prospects of realizing her hopes and ideas.

Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective
Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feeling into which she can blend. Responsive to anything aesthetic and tasteful.

Your Actual Problem
Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.

Your Actual Problem #2
Does not wish to be involved in differences of opinion, contention or argument, preferring to be left in peace.


Hmmm.. somewhat true.

Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don't wake me from this high
I'd become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes
To what it's like
When everything's right
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

So, here we are
That's pretty far
When you think of where we've been
No going back
I'm fading out
All that has faded me within
You're by my side
Now everything's fine
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

And I was hiding
'Til you came along
And showed me where I belong
You found me
You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know?
How did you know?

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me

We got plane tickets! Well, we don't have them yet but we have them booked. We still need to make payments on them. Michael is hoping to get his and mum's payed off first and then mine. At first we thought my ticket was going to be about $3000 USD, which was more than the tickets for mum and him put together. I was all freaked out. We found a flight on Expedia that was almost exactly what we needed except it was a different flight from Sydney to Melbourne. I called them a few times to ask if we could change that flight to match his and mum's but they said no. Then I called travelocity and asked them if they could match expedia's price but change the last flight for us and they said no as well. Finally we went to United Airline's website and did a multi city search but made the days leaving the same as the day arriving and we found the exact flight we needed. We called George the travel agent and now it is all good. Tickets should cost about $5000 USD altogether. Moving to Australia is so expensive!

I might get hired at Burger King! When I went to do an application there the manager lady asked me if I could do a math test. I hate math. I was shaking really badly but I think I did okay. The manager lady said she didn't do the hiring but if I passed the math test thing the hiring lady would call me and set up an interview. I've applied at about 10 different places approximately. No one else called me back or called any of my references. I was losing hope. It'd be great if I got a job. I wouldn't feel so stuck doing nothing all day. We really could use the extra money as well. It'd help out ALOT. So I have my fingers crossed that she will call me back.

I wanna goooo!!

Do you ever have moments when you realize your life isn't so special? We are all so inside of our own heads all of the time. We stay inside our own little worlds. I guess it's all too big to handle the whole world everyday. I just think I have a tendency to think I've had such a hard past. It's not really a conscious thought it's just I tend to dwell. I have been reading some things and I guess I just realized how hardships change people. I don't feel like my hardships have changed me enough. I feel like they've changed me too much. I feel like I should have more answers. I feel like I should have more important things to say. I feel like I should have less to say. I feel like I should be so much better at so many things. I feel like I shouldn't be writing this whiny entry. I wish I could stop comparing myself to everyone else and being jealous of their good traits. I wish I wouldn't second guess the stupidest things. I wish I didn't filter every goddamn thing I say. I wish I'd never been smart enough to pretend and lie. I wish I'd never learned to shape myself to what I think people want. I wish I'd stop writing self involved, self pitying entries all the time.

Oh crap, I have so much crap to do. I am the biggest procrastinator sometimes. I personally don't blame myself for procrastinating. I have so much to do and no clue how to do most of it really. I have to get all the Visa stuff done, still. Michael's side of things is dragging slightly due to his working so much and having little to no time to do other things. So, we still need to get that all sent in. Also, within the next few weeks I need to go get fingerprinted (I finally found somewhere to get it done) and send in for my FBI background check and go to the local police department and get my local background check. Then, once that is all sent in I need to make sure it all goes smoothly and once they send me a letter saying they are ready for it I need to get my medical check done in Pittsburgh.

Then, while waiting to actually be admitted into the country of Australia, I need to be planning my reception for, as of yet, an unknown date in February. For the reception I need to figure out where I will be having it and who will be catering it. On a side note, the dress I want is $975. Which sucks because that is so freaking expensive I'm not sure whether or not I can let myself get that one. I am having trouble finding any dresses that are even close to living up to that dress so it's annoying. Anyway, I need to get the invitations, send them to all the people on my growing guest list. I need to figure out a color scheme and find *tasteful* decorations and party favors. The rest of the planning here I am sketchy on. I've never planned anything like this before. So, I honestly have no clue about most of the reception planning.

Also, I have to get ready to move halfway across the world. I need to sort through all my crap and figure out what I'm actually taking. I need to sort through it all and keep what I'm to a minimum. I need to prepare myself for moving 10,000 miles from all I've ever known.

There are also all these little things I need to get ready. For example, Michael wants to stay at a hotel for the first few days when he comes back. I need to find a good, not too expensive hotel and book a reservation. My family is going through a financial crisis right now too, so we are trying to get them back on their feet. I want them to be moving in a good direction before I leave. I'm also trying to find a job but no one is hiring me yet. I've applied at like 6 places to date and no one has called.

Michael might be transferring to Adelaide as well if they give him a significant pay increase. It's really up to him about the transferring. I'm still moving somewhere new either way. Adelaide seems really nice from what I've looked up about it. Melbourne looks nice of course too. I guess we will just see what happens and which is better for our future. I think moving might also help Michael with his sanity. I'm not entirely sure though.

This would be so much easier if I had Michael with me. I would be much less stressed. Just having him around makes me less stressed out.

Okay, end ranting.